How do I know when to call?
Posted by admin on Aug 22, 2008
One of the hardest parts in dealing with a breakup and getting your ex back is figuring out when you can call them. When and how much to call is a question that burns holes in the minds of broken-hearters everywhere.
1. You obviously still love them, and just want to tell them, right?
2. You just want another chance. Is that too much to ask?
2. You just want them to know what you really think. What’s wrong with that?
It is these three thoughts that not only don’t win your ex back, but end up killing any future chance you have with them!!
You are on a break or a break-up for a reason. That is, there are unresolved issues that need to be sorted out. You both need time to figure out why one of your isn’t completely happy. Things were great with you once, so don’t sabotage this much needed time apart by turning into a stalker, to get your ex back!
You guys loved each other for a reason, give some space and allow that reason to resurface in both of you.
Do this for yourself:
- start doing things and activities you used to love and do before you guys got together
- Take some quite time (hiking, yoga, meditation, etc) to ponder on your own identity, and what you really want in all aspects of your life. (DO NOT think about your ex during these times. This is personal time)
- Work to stop future projecting yourself with your ex. The only way to get them back will be to refrain from thinking about and depending on a future you don’t even have yet
THEN, you can start to work you way back in. Once you have gotten ahold of yourself, and given your ex some space, you can re-approach them from a healthier and more successful standpoint.
- Call to chat on the phone about random stuff for a few minutes, then hang up (politely)
- Invite her out with you and a bunch of mutual friends to a no-expectations hang out. Just be calm and comfortable being with them in a social environment as two single people. DO NOT BE WEIRD OR BITTER!!
- Invite them out for a drink after work. Hang for a bit, then call it a night
These are tactics that will work, because your ex wants to get back with you too! Just get back in touch with yourself first so your ex can complete you, and not define you. Then you can enter back into contact as a grounded, non-needy, happy person. And you’re set!
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Posted by admin on Nov 16, 2008
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I can’t even imagine a world without love. Heaven knows there’s enough evil in it. Love is the only thing that gives me hope. That’s why, when the love of our life decides that they no longer want us in their life, it hurts like hell. I know. I’ve been there. I’ve suffered through more breakups than you can imagine. But today, I’m happily married with a wonderful daughter. It wasn’t always easy and I had to learn a lot along the way. I’m going to share a few things with you today that I am sure will have you on your way to reconciliation with your ex.
The first thing you need to understand is that whatever went wrong, there is usually enough blame to go around. Nobody is perfect. However, the last thing you want to do, if you’re going to get your ex back, is put the blame on them. You need to take responsibility for your part in this mess. Admit to what you did wrong. Lay all your cards out on the table. You’ll absolutely take your ex by surprise because most people will expect you to start playing the blame game. Don’t do it.
Next, you have to listen to the other person’s side of it without lashing back. Whatever they have to say, take it in and be quiet. Let them have their say. When they’re done, discuss what just went down. Do this calmly and rationally. Don’t yell, don’t scream, don’t make excuses. Go over each of the points. If you feel that your ex is being unfair about some of the criticisms, let it go. The last thing you want to do is start a fight. That’s not going to win your ex back.
Finally, you need to show your ex that you’re willing to make things right and correct the things that are wrong in the relationship. Don’t ask your ex for any commitments. Just make the offer. Put it out there on the table and let your ex make the decision. The initial reaction may be no. That’s okay…don’t push it. Accept it and let your ex know that if they change their mind, to give you a call and leave it at that. Trust me, when your ex sees how you handled yourself through this whole thing, it won’t be more than a week before that phone rings and they ask to see you.
The key to all of this is staying calm and rational. Emotions only get in the way and when you’ve had a breakup, they usually only make things worse.
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Posted by admin on Nov 5, 2008
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